Beautiful suffering, part two

So, here I am again with another bout of insomnia, so let's continue with the review of the Weiss Kreuz OAV. This is Strafe, and it marks the end of WK canon as I know it. Let's see what kind of an ending we're going to get. There are going to be a lot more pictures this time around, because boy do they suffer prettily; I wouldn't keep you in the dark. Spoilers all over the place, naturally. Boys, say hi!


We bleed for you!



It bears repeating: Persia has declared Ken and Omi traitors and murderers, and made them targets. Youji and Aya are to deny them their dark beastly futures, or however that speech of his goes. Oh no! Not their butt buddies team mates!


Kritiker does not believe in warnings or pay cuts!

Youji can hardly believe what he's hearing, but Aya says it's just another mission. Wow, what an asshole. I know Aya is supposed to be sort of aloof and "....." about things, but it's not like he's preoccupied with saving his sister anymore; what exactly is keeping him from giving a little care? I mean, these are pretty much the only friends he has in the world. Perhaps he knows something he's not telling Youji. Dun dun dunn!

In the meanwhile, Ken, Omi, Akira and Kaori take shelter in an abandoned amusement park, because it's creepy and atmospheric and there are no innocent bystanders. Sound logic. I can't recall any such strategising in the anime series. Of course they could've made sure there's more than one way out of their hideout, but oh well. Akira points his awesome shotgun at Ken and demands to know who they are; Ken makes fuck-me eyes at him and tells him they're friends. Akira sensibly points out that Youji, who attacked them earlier, was also Ken and Omi's "friend". He goes on to explain that he used to be a cop and he's heard rumours of a group of vigilantes who take out the criminals the law can't touch. Wow, there are actual police in the WK universe and they're aware of Weiss's existence? Colour me shocked. All this sense and logic is making my head spin. What anime am I watching again?


I want that shotgun.

Buuuut it turns out Akira is down with assassins, so he lowers his gun and they can all sigh in relief. Kaori berates him for giving them all such a scare, and Omi tells Ken he's glad they helped the siblings. In response, Ken gives him a sad, unsure little smile that has way more emotional complexity than the whole anime series put together. Omi is sort of naïve, but Ken knows exactly what they've done: directly disobeyed Kritiker's orders, and turned against a team mate. Shit is going to come down.

Indeed it will. A shadowy figure smirks evilly as he explains to his equally shadowy hostage that Weiss has done him a big favour, getting Nichol out of his way. Say hi to the real baddie! Mwa ha ha ha!

Back in the flower mobile, Youji is flashing back to his fight with Ken and feeling so shitty he can't even be bothered to smoke his cigarette properly. Aya is casually watering the plants. Why must he act like such a douchebag in every scene? I mean, I'm almost expecting him to whistle or something. "Just got told to kill two of my closest friends. Oh well. The ficus tree could use some refreshment." It's pretty obvious he knows something, but he could just tell poor Youji already.

It's story time at the abandoned amusement park, and Akira gives the Weiss boys a little more details on the murder of his and Kaori's parents. Turns out the plane that crashed into their house was piloted by someone who knew about Colonel Nichol's illegal weapon deals, and that was why he had to die. Nichol was a subtle sort of guy apparently. They all settle down to sleep, Omi snuggling up to Ken, who is still worried about Youji and Aya. Omi is a little more optimistic about it, as he makes clear in the morning.


Sure, kid. A little tea and sympathy should fix it.

Omi uses the magic word, "nakama", for the first time. It's a little more fitting than "friends", here, because nakama implies fighting side by side, no matter what. Weiss are brothers in arms, if anything. Oh, the beauty of a vaguely homoerotic friendship forged in battle. The magic word even makes Ken smile.

The fanfic pretty much writes itself in this scene.

OMI: They'll understand! They're our nakama!
KEN: (thinking) I guess I never thought of them like that...
OMI: Ken~? (acts cute)
KEN: (blushes) What?!
OMI: I bet we're thinking the same thing!
KEN: (blushes again)
OMI: (grabs Ken's shoulders, starts hauling him off) It won't hurt to try! Let's go already!
FANGIRLS: Wow, I never thought this pairing would get so much subtext.


Ken~, are you thinking what I'm thinking~? ♥

So Ken and Omi go away to fill the yaoi quota, leaving Kaori and Akira to track the baddies' movements. Kaori's laptop is powered by sheer determination, it seems. Akira wants to move on, but Kaori's not done and says Ken and Omi will bring back reinforcements. Oh, optimism. How quickly you're shot down in this OAV. Quite literally, too, because here comes the army to shoot the shit out of the amusement park! Akira and Kaori are trapped in their little hideout. Akira offers to cover while Kaori escapes. Yeah, that always ends well. Kaori is too smart to agree (HOORAY FOR SUBVERTING THE CLICHÉS), and so the siblings are simply trapped.

After the sex Ken and Omi make their way to the flower mobile. There they get to see Persia giving the mission firsthand (thank God for convenient video projectors), and meet up with Youji, who's been smoking and drinking heavily ever since he received the mission. Aya is away, probably getting his nails done or something. The three try to talk, but it's obvious it's not going to end well. The drama is biting here, and all the boys are in character; Omi is heartbroken and clinging to hope, Ken is frustrated and loud and Youji is trying to act aloof. In the end, he tells Ken and Omi to GTFO and stay out, because the next time they meet, they'll be enemies.


Yeah, he's been kind of a douche like that lately.

I mean, he lets them change into their assassination outfits first, of course. Omi wibbles and cries, because NAKAMA, why must nakama fight, they're supposed to be nakama, NAKAMA DAMMIT. But off they go, into the symbolically falling snow.


NAKAMAAAAA, WHYYYY

And now that we have snow, we've officially entered the last and the darkest part of the OAV. Akira and Kaori prepare to blast their own heads off rather than be killed - yeah, um. Wow. That's really bleak. Don't do it, I like you both!


Sniff. Goddammit.

Because it doesn't suck enough to be Youji today, Aya comes back from the beauty parlour to knock him down. Ouch, that was a real punch! He yells at him for letting Ken and Omi go, and Youji sensibly says he couldn't fight them both on his own. Manx magically knows the two are in and contacts them to inform them that Akira, Ken and Omi are all at the abandoned amusement park. She doesn't specify which amusement park, but I guess there's only one in Tokyo.

AYA: How's that significant lily allergy then?
MANX: Pretty stubborn. Wink wink.
AYA: I seeeeee.
ME: TELL YOUJI WHAT YOU KNOW ALREADY, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK

I mean, dude. Aya OBVIOUSLY knows something, but refuses to say anything, even though Youji is a mess and Ken and Omi are gone. The scene fades to black, and I can only hope that after it did, Aya apologised for the punch and filled Youji in. Well, he pretty much HAD TO, because... oops, I'm getting ahead of myself.


And you're an asshole.

Akira has fought against his obvious fate for long enough: he's finally going to heroically sacrifice himself, and when the army literally shoots down their door, he says farewell to Kaori and does just that. It's stupid, of course it is, but it's also brave, and he dies messily right in front of Kaori, who is then taken captive. There was never much hope of this ending any other way.


Rest in peace, man. You died with your awesome gun in your hand.

Ken and Omi are there too late. Ken closes Akira's eyes and grieves for losing another potential fuckbuddy dudebro. Omi finds Kaori's computer that's pretty much doing the equivalent of repeating, "I am captured and being held at this conveniently marked location", but the army was too polite to smash it up. He turns around to tell Ken they must go rescue Kaori... but they are stopped by the sight of two familiar figures approaching them.

Oh yeah. It's on. Weiss are going to fight Weiss, and it isn't going to be pretty. Well, it is, I lie.

Omi, bless his heart, tries to reason with his nakama again (NAKAMAAA), but Youji and Aya are like a wall of ice. Ken spells out the situation.


Right you are.

And they're off, with Omi still being on the defensive, tears streaming down his face and crying NAKAMAAAA. Aww shit. The universe owes Omi an eternity of hugs and a mountain of kittens.

In the meantime, in the House of Evil not far from the abandoned amusement park, we're finally face to face with the main baddie, General Norman Powell. He's the one behind the illegal weapons trade, Nichol being just an accomplice. He has captured Manx and Kaori, and invites them to enjoy the show he's arranged: the beautiful, tragic destruction of Weiss. Hey, he isn't all bad.


Yes sir. /Phoebus

The circle closes and we're back where we started at the beginning of Verbrechen, with Youji strangling Omi with his wires so hard he's spitting blood. Omi's apparently shot an arrow right through Youji's arm though, so his grip is slipping. Omi manages to get his arms free for a moment, but hesitates firing another arrow and Aya thrusts his katana right through Omi's chest, leaving him hanging limply in the net of Youji's wires. Ken slashes Youji with his claws, and he goes down with "saki ni itteru ze", excellent last words. The snow is coloured blood red, they're all wounded and panting and oh gosh, this is honestly gritty. They are just kicking the shit out of each other.


How can you not love all this blood?

So now it's down to Aya and Ken. I like how the exhaustion is starting to show on both of them; this is a desperate duel, and Ken in particular is just going all out, trying to somehow block Aya's strikes. Have I mentioned I love the animation here? Why couldn't these guys animate the entire anime series? Anyway, all things must come to an end, and with his last intact claw, Ken punches a hole right through Aya. Aya says his last words, and dies. Omi says his last words, and dies. Violin music plays. Wow. Ken is actually the last man standing. Who woulda thunk? Ken has always been the forgettable middle kid of Weiss, and here, he's the focus of practically all the drama and conflict, not to mention totally kicked Aya the katana wizard's ass. That's kind of awesome.


I NEED THERAPY

Well, the show's over, so General Powell starts questioning Manx about Persia - is he alive, where is he, and so on. He may enjoy watching pretty men kill each other, but he isn't dumb. There you go subverting the clichés again, OAV! Persia's true identity is a mystery to the audience, too, so this is an intense scene, but Manx says nothing. God she's awesome.

Ken has somehow managed to make his way to the House of Evil, but he's immediately apprehended. Aw, good old stubborn Ken. He knows he hasn't got a prayer, wounded and on his own, but he tries nonetheless.


You didn't even look back at the screen, are you psychic or what

Suddenly, the lights go out, for a second or so, and when they come back on, there is no sign of Ken - but all the soldiers around him are dead. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where the what-the-fuckness begins. At first it's kind of cool. Persia fills the screen, telling the general that he knows it was General Powell who sent the false mission to Weiss and that he's finished.

And then the Weiss step out of the shadows.

What.

The.

Fuck.


Bullshit explanation in three... two... one...

"It was all an act!" Omi chirps. Weiss are all completely clean and unhurt. There's not a scratch on their clothes. They just ripped each other to shreds, punching their weapons literally through each other, and they're all fine and dandy now. How the fuck is this supposed to make sense? I mean, if they just, like, shot each other once in the chest or something, I suppose they could've faked it, but they fought like hellcats, using all their weapons - so hard that they broke them in the process, actually, something that's never happened before - and cried and bled and monologued. All for the sake of giving General Powell a good show. NOT WITH TEN THOUSAND MEN COULD YOU DO THIS. IT IS FOLLY.

Of course the key to everything was Manx's lily allergy; she used to hang around the flower shop all the time, how could she possibly have an allergy? And "black lilies" apparently mean "lies", so Aya could figure out from that that the mission was false. O...kay, I guess I can buy that, but it doesn't explain how they pulled this off. I'm sorry, this almost destroyed the plot to me. There is no way you can convince me that they could do this. It's a cool fakeout, but it's way too perfect to be in any way plausible. I assume Aya FINALLY told Youji about the false mission after punching him, but when the hell did they inform Ken and Omi? They went straight to the abandoned amusement park, and once there, started fighting. IT MAKES. NO. SENSE.

Anyway. Moving on, reeling from the WTFness of it all. Aya has apparently reclaimed his personality and morals and tells Kaori not to watch as they kill General Powell. It's a cool line, and pompous enough to sound like Aya. It's nice to see him reacting to the world again instead of being so... Squall about it all.


Oh hi Aya, where have you been all this time?

I have to hand it to them; this is a seriously cool death scene. Not only are both Manx and Persia watching, but the main baddie is brought down with all the weapons of Weiss, and Ken finishes him off with Akira's shotgun. HI, WHERE DID HE PULL THAT FROM? Oh who cares, it's the rule of cool, I'll buy it.


May we fuck ferociously in heaven.

Afterwards, when the sun is shining and the grass is green (wasn't it snowing a few hours ago? Oh, okay, I'll buy this too) Manx has an exposition chat with the boys at their camper van. They're going to hide the bodies, make it look like an accident, blah blah. Yeah, I'm buying, I'm buying. Sure, Akira died in a motorcycle accident, that looks exactly like machine gun fire. Yeah, Kaori never saw anything, except every single Weiss member assassinating. I'm buying whatever you throw my way, OAV, because nothing could be as far-fetched as that "fake" fight scene!

They leave Kaori some irises, because they mean "happiness will surely come", and the usually so cheerful Omi is musing aloud that that will never be true for them. Aww. Now would be a good time to have a group hug, guys. Guys? Oh, the ending theme is playing, never mind.

But wait! After the credits, there's an awesome scene with Schwarz! Schuldig spots a group of schoolgirls gushing over the cuuute new florists, and smirks evilly. Brad drives up to him and rolls down the window and joins the smirk fest, declaring that now that they've found them, this will be the end of Weiss.


Hot damn, Brad is awesome.


Schuldig crushes a Japanese rose in his hand and lets the petals fly prettily around them. Brad says that the Japanese rose means "a sad but beautiful death". They're so damn nonchalant about the whole thing, I bet they let the Weiss run just to prolong the pleasure of slowly killing them. Holy shit, I'm so ready for this epic final battle! Bring it on! Schwarz will kick Weiss ass all over the snow, and without fake-outs this time! EPICGASM!!!11!


This flower means "we need a second OAV"!

And then of course it really does end. No more OAV, no epic Schwarz-Weiss fight. I feel a Darth Vader NNNOOOO coming up. Don't take me wrong, I enjoyed the OAVs (well, except for the fake-out thing; my brain still hurts) but this wasn't a very good ending to the canon; the status quo remains the same, and Weiss never talk about What They Learned Today or anything. The only thing that seems changed is that they've taught Omi to be a bit more cynical. Hoo...ray? Come on, Weiss Kreuz so needs that Weiss-Schwarz battle to feel complete. Not a reimagining, certainly! Just good old-fashioned assassins against assassins fare, with the animation we were shown here, and some more nakama drama. And new outfits. Naturally.



That was a fun trip down memory lane. I may have to turn this into a New Year tradition; it's good to look back once in a while. For now, I'll just try to get that catchy, angsty music out of my head. No no no don't cry! *boogies*